my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
