Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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