I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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