Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
