Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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