every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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