If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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