She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
