Got a toothbrush?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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