So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
