Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Semen is not good for contacts.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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