Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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