What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
