other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
