dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
