you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
