Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
