So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
