Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i dont even know how to be here
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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