Swine flu is the new snow day.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He has the fingertips of a God
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