Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
