you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
