Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
