After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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