the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
