May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
