He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I checked into jail on foursquare
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
