You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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