carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
