this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
