I like to think it a success when the cops are called
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
