I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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