It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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