we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
