He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
