i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
