every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize