Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
