How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
