She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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