i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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