I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
