How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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