i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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