I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
