she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
