I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
