i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
