I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize