is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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