U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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