just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
