if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Buhtt sex?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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