Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
