Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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