Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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