video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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