she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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