so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
