Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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