So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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