found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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