The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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