Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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