Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
please don't ironically join a cult
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