He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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