I have demons in me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
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It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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