HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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