do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
