Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
