8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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