why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
