god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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