yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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